Say who is this typing man?

I don't even know, people. They let anyone write on the internet nowadays.

Mar 2, 2012

Drunk Blogging - the commentary

(blog post begun in December 2011)
Often I feel the urge to caustically comment on things I find in public forums - say, the incredibly stupid teenager-y comments put up by the kids I'm friends with from church (I swear to Bob, the chain status updates just never stop), the heartfelt messages with blatant typos, y'know, stuff that basically would make me a douche for actually putting down what I think in the permanent ink of the internet. A lot of the time, this doesn't really stop me. But then I feel guilty.

So I figured, heck, why not really let myself lose on the one person I'd never feel bad about maligning - Drunk!Me (come on, she's just begging for it).

So here's running commentary on my Thursday night drinking blog (it took me until today to really recover from that anyway). Drunk blog is in red, sober commentary is in black.

YEah, I'm drunk blogging
Already I'm off to a banner start. No misspellings yet, anyway... just questionable capitalization.

Shut up, it makes awesome sense.
Awesome sense - so much more awesome than common sense. Which I know, because I don't have a terribly large amount of common sense, and thus make up for it with my awesome sense. Also, I'm not sure why I say shut up all the time when writing in a non-interrupt-able format. I do it when blogging sober, too.

My friend who runs Macabre Mansion is bitching about me never writing a review for the website I'm supposedly "sci-fi editor" of, so in retaliation I will write a review while slowly getting mroe and morre drunk off of red wine. an important thing to know is I've already had a full glass and 2/3 of a 750ml bottle of red wine.
It's a valid bitching - I haven't written any content since Captain America came out. I'm not sure how my drunk reviewing would be a punishment... or why Macabre Mansion would deserve it. Bonus points for misspelling "more" in two different ways within 3 words of each other. Also, I love how stupid-specific I got with the size of the bottle. I wanted to reassure everyone I wasn't that big of a drunk, since the bottle doesn't actually hold that much wine, but I still felt ridiculously proud of myself for "finishing the bottle." I don't drink very regularly, so I have a very low alcohol tolerance. That first glass of wine was all it took to push me into bad decision land. So it wasn't "writing a review while slowly getting drunk" it was "attempting to start writing a review already trashed."

So, this is my review of "Moby DIck: 2000"
I actually do want to review this movie. It looks pretty good, as cheesy sci-fi films go. I'm kind of bummed I didn't go through with it.

Firs,t I need to actulally watch it. hold on.
Again, what? Yeah, hold on while I go do something, since you're watching me type this in real time (which would really suck, since I started this commentary in December and I'm only now just finishing it 3 freaking months later). There's also some comma misplacement win going on here.

screw that, I'm watching Adam off myth-busters talk about failure. I lvoe it too much to stop it, even though he's in the Q&A section. Which I guess proves my friend's point about not reviewing.
I get bonus points for hyperlinking that. Seriously. Regardless of the fact that my spelling of love makes it look like a type of iceberg (Ahoy! LVOE AHEAD! Hard to starboard!), I missed the A of Adam in the selection, and my capitalization is optional (as always), the hyperlink was a win. I'm not sure what the Q&A section proves about not reviewing though. Unless I have a longer attention span when drunk typing and I was referring to the fact that I was unwilling to turn off a video and watch a movie to review.

This looks funny. FUUUUGGETABOUTIT... also looks a bit lewd, for some reason. I bet it's 'cause it looks like an f-bomb hooked up with a chicken nugget. Man, I'm sober as a Mormon right now and I still sound like I'm drunk. Geeze.

Here's why I like Adam... whatever his last name is.  ^.^
For some reason, I couldn't remember "Savage" in the amount of time it took to go between tabs on Chrome. Every time I started writing his last name, I slapped down Adam Sandler, and I knew that was wrong.

He has twins. I am a twin. (twin WIN)
This point stands. You have twins, I automatically give you a point in the WIN column.

He's nice and not nearly as scary as Jamie (non-Cthulu beard WIN).
Don't get me wrong, Jamie seems like a cool dude, albeit one who wouldn't think I was very funny. He just also seems like the kind of dude who'd be the first to start using a chainsaw to hack off limbs during a zombie apocalypse. Also, for the record, he doesn't have a Cthulu beard. He has a Cthulu mustache. There's a difference.

I met him all too briefly at D*C 2010 (He signed my Zombie shoe) I have a 3 second video, but come on, I'm blogging drunk. don't expect an upload at this pint~ ha! point. (MEETWIN)
Funny story - I was trying to get a book signed by Mercedes Lackey and showed up late 'cause I got lost finding the correct hotel. I ended up right behind the last person to make it in before the "too many people" cut off. So I handed the book I wanted signed to the woman who was before me in line and offered to watch her stroller while she went in and got it signed for me. While waiting for her to come back out, I inadvertently started the line for Adam Savage. And yeah, I probably won't be uploading that video any time soon. For one thing, it really is only 3 seconds long.

I feel like if i send him this blog post via twitter, he'd actually read it. (crap. now i'm gonna do this)
For the record, he did. And I had like, 20 people follow the link back and read it too. I didn't capitalize upon this, of course. For one thing, I'm a lazy friggin' bum. For another, I was hungover for a couple days - though that was a result more of working my normal schedule on 2 hours of sleep than of actual consumption rate of alcohol.

HE's alright about talking about failure in a very real sense, and I'm so sure of failure in my life that I can really identify. plus, he's just really accessible to his fans without being creepily pandering, if that makes sense. I feel like I could buy him a drink if ever he came to Birminghame without him either taking advantage or being squicked. but come on, At this point, I do not need to be drinking additionally.
Godlike "HE" aside, I just used "alright" instead of "right." That's so alwrong. I'm going to skip the rest of that sentence because i'm not really sure what i was saying. And it's true, he does seem like the kind of guy that'd just be fun to hang out with in ye olde town of Birminghame. Not like, creepy friendly ("squicked") or asshat friendly ("Shatner").

then again, I facebook challenged myself to finish the bottle. And I want to, now. so I think a will.
And I did. I still feel oddly accomplished.

in a weird side note, sometimes "a will" and "I will" actually do sound identical issuing from my lips due to random southern accent. not often. Definitely not enough to make the televised "southern belle" accent hold any real-life water.
Sometimes I open my mouth and college just spews out. This would be one of those times. Especially when I'm writing about my own accent, I try to sound as hoity toity as possible, just so people don't read the language and hear a hick in their heads.

yeah. I'ma totes post this now.
Aaaand I did. :)

Also, hats off ot Allie Brosh of for doing it first (to my caring) and best. cheers.

bonus, no cussing. I rock.
Because bitch is obviously not a curse word.

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