Be Prepared!

The other day, I was wearing a button-up shirt under a brown halter top dress from J. Crew (what I think of as my "Maria Von Trapp" outfit), when I had the sudden realization that I would be completely unprepared if I were to suddenly fall into a mystical or dimensional vortex and end up in another plane of existence.

Brown dress + white button-up = not just for picnics anymore

This was strange to me.

Not the thought itself, but the fact that I was unprepared. I was the kind of girl who, growing up, only began to use a purse so I could put handy things in it in case I was ever abruptly abducted from reality. Common items included a length of string, yarn, or rope (depending on what I could find), scissors, shiny things (in case currency was different), and a butt-ton of writing utensils (because I was a firm believer in "the pen is mightier than the sword").

I had a queen-sized bed (that my brothers could unfortunately fit under), but a twin-sized body (pun completely intended). Because of this, I tended to store (or just lose) items in the areas of the bed I didn't take up with... me. Usually, this would just be a bunch of books, 'cause I'd read 4 or 5 at a time, and would frequently fall asleep in the middle of a page. But there were always some "just-in-case-of-dimensional-travel" things too.

Socks, for one. For some reason, I was sure I'd need an extra pair of socks in a different world. Also my nunchucks/college toy flippy things.

And after watching Labyrinth, I'd always have some cheap shiny jewelry for bribes (see previous note on currency).

These days, my bed is small enough for just me, and close enough to the ground so that no brother can grab my ankles without first digging a trench for his body underneath (it doesn't even matter that they both live in different states, they'd find a way). However, I'm still on the lookout for opportunities to become the main character in a sci-fi/fantasy novel. My car has become my new stockpile of "just-in-case-of-dimensional-travel" things.

It comes in handy more often than you think. Just last weekend, I was the heroine of the hour, because I had a roll of toilet paper, Halloween costume makeup, superglue, old earphones, packing tape, and scissors in my car.

What's funny about it is I really don't have anything in case of actual emergency. My jumper cables are crap, and I have absolutely no idea where my spare tire is, much less what I'd do if I blew a tire (other than calling my dad, obviously).

Since I have no plan on how to end this post gracefully, I'm just going to let it awkwardly peter out with this:

Next time you can't sleep, start thinking of what would happen if you were to be sucked into an alternate world carrying only what is in your bed, car, or purse.

I bet it changes a couple of your packing habits.

DragonCon 2011

I went to Dragon*Con 2011 - it was a BLAST!

But super exhausting as well. I need to attempt to get everything down before I start forgetting crap. More pictures and videos will be added as I manage to upload them.

My crowd left Thursday after work and drove to Cartersville, GA from Birmingham - which caused some craziness about 3 hours into the trip. Next thing I knew, we were attempting to sing Hotel California with a Jamaican accent. BFFC didn't know all the words, so I was shouting them out as quickly as possible before each line started; also, we didn't have the Eagles on CD and there was no iPod adapter, so I just had it cranked all the way up on the little sucker.

I met Misha Collins of Supernatural fame, and almost fainted.

I bought a corset, a teal wig, and several siege machines from "Siege the Day," as well as a copy of Bone for half price.

I'm kind of awesome.

I played "Who's the Werewolf" until 4:30 AM, then had to strategically time my journey back to the Westin to coincide with some Utilikilts so as to avoid the creepy creepster hanging out and waiting for me to walk by him.

I made it 2/3rds of the way through a marathon of The Guild and got to see Clara and Tinkerballa from the first row as they came to thank us for loving their show.

I saw a great exhibition from the New York Jedi, and shared my Cheezits with several of the performers.

I got to see the most recent (at that point) episode of Doctor Who a full hour before anyone else who watches BBC America (except for the 500 or so people also watching with us). None of us heard what Matt Smith (the 11th Doctor for those of you who have the poor taste to not know who he is) had to say in his special pre-recorded greeting for D*C between "Hello Dragon*Con," and "Enjoy the show!" because we all FREAKED OUT to see him. Since there were Absolutely No Recording Devices allowed on pain of expulsion from the convention, we may never know what he said.

I also ruined the big plot twist for the people in my row 'cause I blurted out what was happening right when Amy said "it's only wood" (that's what he said).

I got the theme song from Tetris stuck in my head for most of the weekend, successfully got random strangers to join in on singing "Living on a Prayer" while walking down a hallway, sang in the Elf Choir, and tore down the house with some stranger named Stephen or maybe Keith on the song "Love Shack" during Klingon Karaoke.

I posed with the TARDIS at 1 AM (the TARDIS wearing an evil mustache), got a personalized copy of a comic book as well as a picture with the author, said hi to Macabre Mansion friends Billy Tackett and  wife as well as Tracy and Ben Eller (from World of Strange fantastic apparel), and was in awe at the stage presence of Pandorica Celtica.

I watched D*C TV, caught snippets of the movie nights for Star Trek, was alternatively freezing and blazingly overheated, caught a few really quick glimpses of the parade, sat in on a Stargate: Universe panel that made me want to give the show another shot, and joined in with a roomful of snarky fans as we MST3K'd Sharktopus.

I saw Whil Wheaton (sorry, Family Guy influence) Wil Wheaton sign Colin Ferguson's man-boob (or "moob") during one of the Eureka panels, watched Something Something Dark Side while waiting in line for a panel on the casting of The Hobbit by TORn, and wrestled through suffocating crowds while toting railroad tracks tied to my back.

I met up with someone who had the EXACT SAME COSTUME as me, which was odd ('cause it included railroad tracks tied to your back...), successfully avoided giving blood the entire weekend, and saw Gareth David Lloyd from afar.

Oh, and I've already bought my tickets for next year, of course.

The Book - daddy edition

I promised my dad the other day (in this case, a couple years ago), that I'd write a book for him for Christmas.

Luckily, I didn't say which Christmas. 

For a while, every time we did anything together (or rather, any time he did something completely hilarious or outrageous) I'd tell him, or he'd tell me "this is going in the book."

So that's what the tag "The Book" is about.

The Monster Under My Bed - or why brothers are evil

When I was a kid, the books series Goosebumps by R.L. Stine scared the ever loving crap out of me. When I read them, my overly vivid imagination would eventually leave me in my closet with the lights on, because if you're in the closet, the monster can't fit in there. I was 12 or so (shut up, I had a really really good imagination).

Goosebumps the TV show, on the other hand, usually didn't phase me. Sure, the music was creepy, but anything put on by Nickelodeon at the time wasn't that frightening in terms of special effects, and the show always showed too much of the monster (an interesting side note is that I felt completely opposite about the book and television series Are You Afraid of the Dark? The books were mediocre but the show scared me to kingdom come).

There was a notable exception, however. There was a made-for-TV movie that was along the same lines called Don't Look Under the Bed that has left an indelible mark on my subconscious. In one scene a girl is sitting on the edge of her bed and something grabs her ankles and drags her away under the bed into some kind of horror world. That image still kind of freaks me out. Probably because it's scary as hell. The fact that I scare easily isn't a problem, though. The fact that I had brothers who knew I scared easily WAS.

Occasionally their antics would backfire - like the time they tried to play upon the fact that I had just watched The 6th Sense by opening all of the kitchen cabinets and putting the chairs on the table (I had gone straight to bed, or rather, my closet with the lights on and a non-scary book, so they just got yelled at the next day by our parents instead).

Occasionally, however, they'd scare me and scar my psyche for life.

My twin brother, 2min2late, managed to get me really really well this one time through a cunning use of electronics combined with sheer evil. To understand the depths of this masterpiece, you've got to understand the layout of the house. We had a great room with the master bedroom that my parents shared off underneath the stairs leading up to the second floor. All of us kids were on the balcony level. At the top of the stairs, 2min2late's bedroom was immediately to your left, while the bathroom we shared was directly in front. If you turned right, my Big Bro's bedroom with its attached bathroom was to your left in what was originally supposed to be attic space, and my bedroom was directly ahead. A crappily drawn MS paint version is below (and yes, I'm aware Hyperbole and a Half does MS Paint drawings. She's much more talented than I.).

Perspective is optional.

2M2L had been talking to me prior to my entrance into the bathroom, so I knew he was in his bed. He had also purchased a crappy little remote control for his bedside lamp, that apparently had fantastic range. After I entered the bathroom, he quickly stuffed pillows under his covers to look like he was still in it at first glance, and got into position in my room. When I exited the bathroom (above in blue), I said "Good night, bro" into his room, and he turned off his bedside lamp from inside my bedroom. 

At this time, I had a queen-sized bed. One that could fit a small and decidedly evil, snickering brother underneath. This is important.

Thinking my brother had gone to bed without saying goodnight, I journeyed into my room completely unaware of the horror that awaited me. I got to my bed and sat down - then promptly lost my shit when 2M2L grabbed my ankles and tugged. 

I know I kicked him in the face. He's really lucky I didn't manage to make it all the way to my weapons stash of those flippy thingys that were all the rage that I had decided would make pretty good nun chucks. 

College fad, or deadly weapon? You decide.

I screamed to high heaven, of course. What's funny is I don't usually scream unless I know for a fact someone will hear me - roller coasters, I'm terrified and absolutely silent. Roach on my own, completely quiet as I break out the flamethrowers. Roach with friends or knowing someone's close by, and let the Black Canary commence.

2min2late ended up in less trouble than I would like - while my parents were woken out of a sound sleep, my dad thought it was too hilarious and deviously planned to really punish.

I ended up making a request for a twin-sized bed that is too close to the ground to fit under for the next 5 years' worth of Christmases. I still sleep in it.

The Roach Mafia

The other day, in my old apartment...

Wait, lets back up in a horrible show of writing flow and continuity so I can explain something. I say "the other day" when I mean an indeterminate time in the past. It substitutes for phrases such as "last year," "two days ago," and "earlier today," even though earlier today definitely shouldn't qualify as "other" unless something truly bizarre went down like an alien invasion or a nomination for president. You know, something world changing (for me, obviously - I'm narcissistic like that). In this particular case, "the other day" means early July or late June, after BFFC moved in, during the middle of the summer.

So, the other day, in my old apartment, a roach flew in while BFFC and I were about to make the trek to take out the garbage (I like to take it to the dumpster even though i get charged for the convenience of a "valet" can every month). This is in the middle of summer in the South, so roaches are freakin' everywhere - to the point that someone with a real debilitating fear of them would be in a hermetically sealed room in the fetal position, waiting for the good drugs to take the crawly things away. There are tree roaches (the big mofos that are like, 2 inches long),  those little end-of-your-thumb-sized red roaches that pile up in little suicidal piles around light sources that for some reason I always associate with the bathrooms at state park campgrounds, what optimistic people call "June bugs" which are actually roaches in a clever, shiny disguise, and your standard "Oh my sweet Lord kill it with a hammer*" roaches that are found in gross apartments year-round. I do not have a gross apartment most of the time, but this particular apartment is at ground level and set back into a hill, so while air conditioning tended to be cheaper due to earth insulation, bugs tended to be a serious issue because I was invading on their buggy kingdoms.

New Job!

I just got a new job!

I'm a receptionist at CloverCo, a company that's got a corporate structure, a great attitude, and a relaxed view on blogging while at work. I am so excited to be here, I can barely stand it.

I've also caved and gotten myself a twitter account... so now I'm a twit.

Oh, and I've a roommate, BFFC (Best Friend from College), and we're moving to a new place, but there'll be this period of about a week where we'll be moved out of our old place and not able to move into the new... so that'll be fun.

Yay temporary homelessness! :)

Quick Update

Yeah, I suck at this, i know.

So here's what's happened since last i posted:

I got the job of science fiction editor at macabre mansion (which i have yet to do anything for 'cause i just suck that much)

I got kicked out of my apartment with 14 days warning (rent was raised and my Mysterious Roomie couldn't afford it anymore)

Choral Director moved to Snooty College

Got a new apartment

2min2late got married (i sang at his wedding. it was AWESOME)

2min2late and his new wife moved to florida

My parents moved to florida  (same weekend i moved into my new apt)

I got a real job as an admin assistant at Small Company

I visited florida

I have yet to turn in my honor's thesis final draft - my plan is to print the final version (a few mistakes were present during the defense such as a missed citation, kinda important), take it dragoncon, get the actors from SG-1 to sign it since it was based on their show, get it bound, and take it back to school where i will beg for them to accept it cause i lost the original signatory page.

I got an Awesome Roomie who i know from The Coffee Shop

I now own my mom's cat Stupid, and she's being bitchy about Awesome Roomie's cats.

The end

Fat Lady Much?

So, it's all over. HUGE FRICKEN SIGH!!!

I graduated (magna cum laude, and departmental honors mofos!) last Saturday, and am now drifting aimlessly in the world.

I figure i'd try and get a job in my chosen career, and eventually (like in 10 years or so) come back to grad school and get a masters in library science, and eventually a doctorate in something or other. My largest problem about gradual school (as Robin Williams said in Life According to Garp, it's where students go to gradually realize they don't want to be in college anymore) is that i have no idea what i'd be focused on. I like English, but i don't want to get a doctorate in teaching or any specific area. Not to mention the idea of a dissertation makes me want to run away screaming.

My honors thesis ended up at a solid 35 pages, 40 with work cited. I still need to put in a source (yeah, imagine my horror during the defense when I was asked about a source that was not in the freaking works cited page) and restructure the introduction a bit to show how it ended up changing, but it's purty good.

I'm done at Big City Magazine, and managed to end up with a byline in the latest issue (suweet!).

And oh yeah, i'm done with school!!!!!...!!!. (that punctuation sums up my feelings pretty accurately). I got my grades back and it turns out i managed to break my annual spring slump, rounding out BOTH semesters at my university with 4.0 scores. yeah, i'm badass.

Coffee House is working out ok, but I really need to get a career type job soon if i'm going to continue to afford my apartment. Yeah, i have an apartment, and not with Crazy Lady, Friends to Horses, or Once and Future Roommate. It's with someone I found on Craigslist, Law Student. She seems nice so far, but we'll see, I guess.

Well, that's my life in a nutshell. What's up with you?

What i should have said

Dear Guest,

I appreciate the fact that you wanna buy a cup of coffee and enjoy it while sitting in the coffee house on a Sunday afternoon. It's a gorgeous day, and obviously a lot of other people have had the same idea. However, being rude to me because I don't have the authority to request people who have paid for a drink to leave just because they are taking up all the seats is inappropriate. I know that it looks as if they are poor college students just taking advantage of our free wifi, but the guests you are disparaging (not nearly as quietly as you think) have in fact bought food (around 6 dollars) and drinks (2 bucks give or take) and will most likely get something else before they leave; and are sitting with people they may or may not know in accordance to our signs requesting wifi users to share space. You on the other hand are planning on buying 2 small coffees (for a grand total of 3.60) and then hanging out two to a table, basically doing the exact same thing you are so peeved at me about, but without an excuse of internet. Frankly, at the moment they are worth more to us than you. There are tables available outside, and if you don't want to sit there (on this, as before mentioned, beautiful day), then that is not my problem. I'm sorry you don't want to buy a coffee from us anymore, but if a lack of chairs really influences your decision to buy it that much, you must not have wanted it.

And no, the manager does not come in on Sundays. He's here every other day of the week, and wants to spend the weekend with his family. I make minimum wage, and the fact is every guest with an attitude problem picks me to bitch at 'cause i'm a chick, and i'm tired of it. 2 dollars in tips is not enough for me to take your shit.

Have a nice day, and sorry we couldn't accommodate you today.

Sincerely,
Parenthetical

An interaction where 2 worlds collide

This happened to me this last Sunday at the Coffee Shop:

Guest walks in, with some very specific ideas of what he wants (tea is apparently at optimal brewing temperature at 160 degrees Fahrenheit, which explains why a chai tea abomination tastes so darn good), so I am (as always) cheerful and helpful as i can be. This guy is one of those guests that can make you feel incompetent just by having to remind you to get a glass of water (which doesn't show up on the ticket as it is free and is frequently a pain in my butt- if you aren't paying for it, why get bent out of shape over reminding me about it?) - not maliciously, mind you, he's just so dang nice about it.so, i handle his order (green tea, strawberry cake, and large latte which i make with 2 separate 2 shot pulls for the requisite 3 as he strikes me as the type to be able to taste how much longer the 3 shot head takes to make the freaking espresso (oh, and water)) and bring it out to him. Later, he orders another, more froufy drink for his daughter, then chats with me as i'm making it. We actually kind of encourage this, tho our counters were ordered too high so it's like being in a freakin' fortress when you are under 6 feet (Long John doesn't have to worry about this). Anyway, while waiting in line to order his drinks, one of our other, off duty baristas was at the counter ordering for herself, and had asked me about my internship. Guest starts making small talk, asking about what kind of interning i was doing (mistakenly believing i was interning at Coffee Shop. man, that'd suck). I explained i interned at Magazine, and he verifies that i am, in fact, an English major, about to graduate no less.

Guest starts relating this story of his son, who went  to a college he hated as an English major, because the college was renowned for making contacts. Son of Guest lands an internship for a magazine in freaking Paris, then comes back and lands a job as an editor at Penguin Books (one of my many hopeful future employments). I am fascinated and try to tell guest that that is my dream job, but he talks over me to elaborate on his son's (perfect) job and how making connections is how he got there.

I try to introduce myself. Guest talks over me, giving me advice to make connections.

I try to introduce myself again, Guest wishes me luck and walks out the door, all without letting me know his name.

Ironically frustrating.

Note to self

need to stop talking out loud when writing/typing.

Sound like Doogie Howser. not enough synthesizer in personal theme music.

Lotta Stuff Going On

I've been asked (well, actually, i've been told, more or less, by the director of the honors program) to present my thesis at two separate expos towards the end of April. the actual expo dates are fine for me, i should be done with everything but the defense and the crying at that point. My problem is that the abstracts/applications are due in at the end of March. yeah. this month. the month wherein the bulk of my writing is occuring. i've got section 1 and 2 to finish before next wednesday, as well as a magazine article to write and edit, and another article to research for the shared byline. Plus, you know, work and junk.

On the other hand, i have spring break coming up, which is a nice chunk of time where all i need to worry about is the thesis and work: no internship, no classes, and some theoretical free time. And i've been told that it'd be a good idea to get practice presenting my paper, and there's the possibility for cash prizes at one of the expos.

On the other hand (man i feel like tevye), this is my LAST SPRING BREAK. i've never gone out and done crazy college stuff over spring break, and i won't ever get another chance (unless i go into teaching; a definite "hell no" there) to do an epic road trip of movie proportions.

meh. what will be will be. que sera and all that jazz

First interview high! WOO!

So Landscaper Dude totally called me back right before choir, but i handled it. I set up a phone meeting for when i'd get back into the office, and kept to it.

It was odd giving a phone interview. i've done radio interviews before of tv celebrities for Macabre Mansion but never had to interview someone over a phone, and for an article rather than for the interview itself. not to mention, the radio interviews are by their very nature recorded, versus my desperate listening and scribbling being our only material.

Overall, i think it went well. i had some incredible shatner moments with the pausing and the verbal stalling and the stuttering, but also managed to get everything i needed. Landscaper guy was fantastically nice and understanding, and i got a total performance high out of the whole deal. woo!

Article assignation

okay, so this has nothing to do with an assignation. but it sounded cool.

Just got an article punted to me by Boss Lady - she wants to make sure i get a byline in my time at Magazine. Ironically, i then got hit up by Other Magazine Boss Lady to help her out with her spotlight feature for Other Magazine, so i'm going to get a shared byline there as well.

The article will be a before/after deal about this pool out in Suburbia that has been pretty radically awesome-ified. To start off with, i called the landscaper, terrified that i'd screw up a phone interview (as previously noted, i suck at phone conversations). I did all this pre-call stuff, making sure i understood what had changed, figuring out what i'd need to know, writing little reminders of what to check (name spelling, comp list address- the comp list being the Mailing List from Hell that apparently is done every issue), getting the resource info from the landscaper's website, and generally psyching myself up.

of course, then the call went to voice mail and i freaked out. I managed to get my message across (i hope) and left my cell number, but now i'm worried he'll call back either during my one class of the day (yay choir!) or sometime tomorrow, when i won't be interning and will in fact be doing that whole "graduating" academic thing.

so yay for worry.

written while writing the thesis of doom

As i get further into my thesis (i'm in section 1 of 3 right now, excluding intro and conclusion) i realize that the reason i'm having so many issues with just writing is that i'm fighting the discourses taught to me throughout my academic career. Using I without retribution in an academic paper is blowing my mind, but it's a component part of explaining my purpose and use. since i'm not writing literary analysis, most of my argument comes from other people (esp in sections 1 and 2, section 3 is my contribution) and that's difficult to stick with. i was taught to avoid saying "in this paper, I will show" but that is EXACTLY what i'm supposed to be doing.

i understand why we are taught this way (especially after reading and editing some of my peers' papers who aren't inclined to writing) but it's kind of like going to calculus after pre-cal. You've learned the hard, difficult way, and now it's time for the short cuts; only problem is it feels like some kind of cheating or cheapness.

very frustrating. (my general writing kinda sucks today anyways - cheapness? really?)

Short and angsty

Last post of boring crap, i promise.

Yesterday  (as in the 18th, not actually yesterday) i had no work to do for my magazine 'cause we were waiting on printers, so Boss Lady lent me out to Assistant Boss Lady. Assistant Boss Lady is head editor of Other Magazine. I had to call oodles of people i didn't know, but i got the assistance of an aunt of mine who works as a clerk. It was a long day of crapola. i don't want to do this forever. the end.

Of Poets and Parts of Speech

As an aspiring editor and an avid lover of the phenomenon of Language, not to mention a person immersed in the literary world of an English major, I occasionally have a geek out in which i start to think of Stuff I'd Like to Write a Paper On - or rather, Things I'd Like to See Other People Write Because I'm a Lazy Sonnuvagun. One such geeking occurred yesterday, so i thought i'd blog rather than actually do research and junk :D (oh emoticons... how i love thee).

In my 200 level Linguistic class (the introductory class to linguistics rather than a grammar or history of the language course) we used the first two lines of Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky to emphasize the way we can classify parts of speech by using an innate sense of sentence placement, so we can recognize words that we have never heard before as a noun or verb as long as it is in a context using function words. The example was :

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 


Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;


All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Lewis Carroll, "Jabberwocky" lines 1-4

Things I've learned as an intern - so far

1. How to ask people who aren't my boss how to do what my boss has told me to do.
2. How to read Boss Lady's mind (this is more of an upgrade of my previous skill: How to read my conductor's mind)
3. How to anticipate problems that the Boss Lady hasn't thought of yet (see previous parenthesis)
4. How to use the cool stamp maker thing for postage
5. How to make labels in Excel/Word
6. How to find things to do once i've finished my "big project" - which usually takes all of 10 minutes
7. How to talk to complete strangers and incite enough pity at my horrible phone business skills to become overly helpful and, in fact, engender the help of my coworkers who can hear my horrific attempts from their offices.
8. How to over use post-its. love the post-its.

Snow my god!

It's snowing. In our state. in our portion of our state. this is not a frequent event. Actually, it's sticking as i watch, which leads me to believe in global warming (apparently, it's not just for heat anymore!). So, seeing as how i don't particularly want to read over my linguistics stuff (even though i love it), and hell has apparently frozen over (see beginning statement), i thought i'd take the opportunity to update my rather lame blog.

Bitch Bitch Moan Moan

i'm a horrible student.

well, not really. i'm a fabulous student... when i go to class. i'm one of those people who cannot STAND the awkward silence when a professor is desperately trying to avoid flat out giving all the answers and the students are desperately trying to avoid flat out thinking. This occasionally makes me "that guy" - you know, that one person who always has to say something and you can tell he just hasn't prepped or loves hearing his own voice (usually given nicknames by the rest of the class without their knowledge like "that girl with the teeth" or "stupid guy" or "y'know, the one that keeps bringing up sexual preferences?")- and i have to admit one of my biggest fears in the social scene is being labeled "that guy." At the same time, I still just can't let the silence build. It may be a linguistic thing (did you know that Americans cannot let silence be? after an average of 4 seconds of silence, an American will blurt out whatever they can to just... end... the... silence) but whatever the reason, i'm big on class participation. I love to learn, I don't really mind the reading (except when i do), and i'm of a quirky mindset that routinely leads to odd metaphors that helps others grasp concepts... like Robert Brown's Schroedinger's cat of morality (one of my favorite papers ever, even if it was for a 200 level class).

On the other hand...