Bitch Bitch Moan Moan

i'm a horrible student.

well, not really. i'm a fabulous student... when i go to class. i'm one of those people who cannot STAND the awkward silence when a professor is desperately trying to avoid flat out giving all the answers and the students are desperately trying to avoid flat out thinking. This occasionally makes me "that guy" - you know, that one person who always has to say something and you can tell he just hasn't prepped or loves hearing his own voice (usually given nicknames by the rest of the class without their knowledge like "that girl with the teeth" or "stupid guy" or "y'know, the one that keeps bringing up sexual preferences?")- and i have to admit one of my biggest fears in the social scene is being labeled "that guy." At the same time, I still just can't let the silence build. It may be a linguistic thing (did you know that Americans cannot let silence be? after an average of 4 seconds of silence, an American will blurt out whatever they can to just... end... the... silence) but whatever the reason, i'm big on class participation. I love to learn, I don't really mind the reading (except when i do), and i'm of a quirky mindset that routinely leads to odd metaphors that helps others grasp concepts... like Robert Brown's Schroedinger's cat of morality (one of my favorite papers ever, even if it was for a 200 level class).

On the other hand...

I have serious issues leaving my dorm room. I don't know what it is, but if i'm in the dorm for whatever reason before a class, odds are like 70/30 that i'll either be late or skip. this makes morning classes downright horrific. afterwards, i'll feel horribly guilty and on occasion give myself a stress migraine, but it never prevents or fixes the actual problem. i'm addicted to Fanfiction; and the amount of material available to read is downright ridiculous. I've probably read over a billion pages of this stuff, and there are oh so many crappy stories with bad writing, poor grasp of the English language, or downright pwps (plot what plot? basically porn) that i have skipped. My point is, I'll get caught up in reading a fanfic on my desktop (for some reason i hate reading it on my netbook) and next thing i know, my class is starting.

one of my more lame qualities is i'd rather skip a class than walk in more than 2 minutes late. doesn't matter how long the class is, i'm just too passive aggressive to want to walk in front of everyone and interrupt the lecture as i struggle to get my stuff situated.

also, i hate doing homework at night. Notice i didn't say i hated homework, but after classes are done for the day i just want to read (fanfic, like i said, i'm addicted) or watch movies with my friends. I actually really like doing homework in the morning, it's kind of meditative. Problem is, i like to stay up til ungodly hours, so getting up and starting homework often takes second seat to sleep. i'm a lazy bum, no two ways about it.

The best part is i have a really terrific work ethic at both my internship and my job... and during class. it's free time that is unstructured that fucks me up.

so... that was my rant, what's yours? :D